Hello........ It's Me :0) - Only 2 More Chemo Treatments!!

It's been almost 2 months since I've posted anything on my blog. I apologize - hopefully you've known that I've been doing ok - some setbacks but always knowing God is good!! Fear sets in but I know I'm in His hands.

I'll start with my benefit - what a humbling experience. My friend Sandra did an excellent job - along with the committee - too many people to thank here. As most of you already know, I lost my job in April. That was devastating, to say the least. The proceeds from the benefit have enabled me to keep a roof over my head while I continue to undergo treatment. The outpouring of love and support at the benefit was overwhelming. It's really hard to express in words the feelings of my heart. I'm grateful - beyond words.

Today will be my 15th chemo treatment. My final treatment will be on July 2nd - yippee!! What a journey!! Along with the normal side effects of chemo - nausea, hair loss, short term memory loss, hot flashes, etc., I also had hand and foot syndrome. This condition causes soreness and blisters on your hands and feet. Although my fingertips were extremely sore, I didn't get blisters on my hands. I did get blisters on the bottoms of my feet - not a lot of fun. I had to always remind myself that the poison that caused the blisters is the same poison that is saving my life. I know that sounds kind of "crazy" - but that's the reality of cancer.

I have to get ready to go to treatment - I'll post more before the end of the weekend - this time you have my word. :0)

God's Blessings!

Mary Jo

It's Getting Close to the Benefit - and I'm more humbled every day!!

Hello Everyone

It's hard to think of where to start - life has been quite interesting over the last month - many blessings and a few setbacks. Before I start updating you on my "journey" I want to mention something totally off the subject of my cancer.

My dear friends, Jake and Felisa Stein, have a precious baby boy that has been to Riley Children's Hospital many times since his birth in Feb of 2008 and still doesn't have a definite diagnosis. He is at home with his family - has a feeding tube, oxygen, and can't walk or talk. Those are only a few of the symptoms. He couldn't ask for better parents, a brother who adores him, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a lot of extended family.

I'm sharing this with you to ask you for your prayers for this beautiful child and his family. They have been selfless in their support and love of me. Felisa created this blog page for me - she took time away from her extremely busy schedule to think of me. So please visit Nicolas' blog - http://nicolasstein.blogspot.com/ - pray for them, send them a comment. They know the power of God, they have amazing faith, but I know, first hand, how much the love of others gives you strength. Sometimes God's love needs a face - an encouraging word. I've attached some pictures of Jake and Felisa and precious Nicolas. I don't have a picture of his brother Garret - but there are pictures on Nicolas' blog. Thank you - your prayers for them mean a lot to me.

That's my blog for tonight. I'll update you on the details of my recent "journey" tomorrow. The Stein family are an inspiration to me - and very much a part of my journey. I felt moved to right about them tonight. As always, God is good!

Love, Mary Jo

From John Hill - Mary Jo's Lifelong Friend from her Hometown

Below is the text that my pastor preached his message from on Sunday morning. As I read these words, I couldn’t help but think of Greg’s post and Mary Jo’s faith. One of the hardest things for us to deal with is the question of why good people suffer. At some point, we have to have the faith to trust that God is in control and knows what He is doing. We have to accept that when we put our faith in Him, we give Him our permission to use us as tools to bring glory to His name.

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:3-9

Not everyone is able to do this with grace and dignity. Not everybody is able to feel blessed in the midst of their trials. Not everybody recognizes that this life is but a vapor, here for a moment and then gone. Not everybody can cling to the promise of eternity while suffering the pain of our human mortality.

It has been many years since I have seen Mary Jo. I have recently reconnected with her through Facebook. In the few late night chats that we have had, I see Mary Jo in these verses. Greg’s post describes her faith much better than I ever could. Towards the end of his post, these words really caught my attention:

“God has not abandoned my sister, He has appointed her, knowing full well that her faith will see her through this and her love, hope and commitment to that faith will inspire others.”

This speaks to Greg’s trust in God, as well.

So what can we do?

Every one of us knows or has known somebody with cancer of some type. About 15 years ago, a friend of mine had his five year old daughter diagnosed with leukemia. He told me that there were times when the treatments (chemo) would cause her nose to bleed so badly that they would have to take her to the emergency room for blood and blood platelets. The chemo destroys the platelets that help our blood to clot. At that time, I had never heard of apheresis. It is a process where the platelets are separated from the blood for donation. Most of today’s platelets go to patients that are receiving chemo therapy. The shelf life is only 5 days so there is need of a constant supply. You can contact the American Red Cross or your local blood center for information. I’ve been a donor since that time and am on the National Bone Marrow Donor Registry. It takes me about an hour and fifteen minutes to donate a double unit. It’s a small thing, I know...but it is something that I can do when I feel completely helpless to do anything else.

To say that we should pray for our friends seems like stating the obvious. Go one step further-- make sure that they know that you are praying for them. I know that it has to strengthen them knowing that others are bringing their name before God our Father. Call, write, send a card or an e-mail...just let them know that you are thinking of them and praying for them.

From Greg Wolf, Mary Jo's Brother

Mary Jo is my little sister and I love her dearly. I don’t know how to even start with this blog but I felt compelled to write about faith. Mary Jo is a person of great faith. If you have read her blog she says things like “have a blessed day”, “God is good”, “you are loved” even the blog sight is maryjowolf-ibelieve. I’ll tell you what, I am also a person of faith as many of you who read this may be but do you have questions, do you have doubts about a loving God.

Do you ever think how can the God she believes in so strongly, the God that supposedly loves her so much – how can He allow this to happen, how can He just watch her suffer. He can do anything right? Mr. All Powerful!! So what’s the deal, does He even care? Why her? She does not deserve this? When is enough, ENOUGH!!

Mary Jo has been betrayed by those she loved unconditionally, abandoned by those she needed the most, devastated by the husband she loved, lost her home, lost her job, has been overwhelmed by unexpected disease, horribly mutilated by surgery, poisoned with chemicals that leave her sickened and helpless beyond anything that we can imagine. Left alone, alone in the depths of despair, crying until she has no tears, sleepless, pain filled and left with no ability to even think clearly, barely able to take care of even her most basic needs. And yet, she still believes. She still loves God. She not only remains committed to her faith but is growing in her relationship with God. How can we question her faith? How can we question the God she believes in. I can’t, I won’t - through her faith, my faith has been strengthened.

So when you hear Mary Jo say I believe – what do you think she means. I will speak for her but be assured that these words are from her heart:

I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, that He came to earth and gave his life for my sins, He is my Savior

I believe that Jesus died, that he rose from the tomb and that He lives today

I believe that the Bible is the Word of God given to us to teach us the way to live our lives

I believe that God knows me personally and listens to my prayers

I believe that only God knows everything, I can not know enough to question His purpose or His love

And now, I know what it means to lose everything, I know what it means to truly suffer. Yet, I still believe that God loves me and that great good can come from great suffering.

If you are reading this blog, maybe YOU are the great good that can come from this. Maybe this is the one thing that will wake you up and make you realize that your time is very limited and this life is your only opportunity. Do you know where you are with God? If you know my sister you know what a kind and loving person she is. You know how smart and talented, how generous and giving she is. You know that she always sees the best in every person and truly believes in their goodness. She sees people as God sees them with the ability to love without bias, prejudice or judgment. You also know that she believes with all that she is, in a loving God. She believes that Jesus Christ is her personal Savior and that even through her suffering God is with her and that somehow her ordeal is serving His purpose. If she can believe in the midst of this horrible trial, can you believe? Can you find your faith? God has not abandoned my sister, He has appointed her, knowing full well that her faith will see her through this and her love, hope and commitment to that faith will inspire others. Will you be inspired? Will you take this opportunity to start or grow your relationship with God? If you want to do something for my sister, if you want to give her suffering meaning – all you need to do is BELIEVE.

Blog From Sandra Fouty - Mary Jo Faces More Setbacks

Hi folks. Mary Jo has been wanting to update her blog for a while, but hasn't had the chance because she needs to focus on other things right now. So, I volunteered to fill you in. She'll get you a personal note out as soon as things lighten up for her.

She's had a rough week. She lost her job Tuesday. You can contact her for the details, but she had been in talks with her employer over the last few weeks on coming to some kind of an agreement about her taking a leave of absence. She was hopeful she could take a leave and come back to her job. But her company couldn't make it work on their end - for whatever reason, I'm unsure. They had lots reasons, now that I think about it... She didn't have any sick leave or vacation to use, she didn't qualify for Family Medical Leave Act because she hadn't been with the company a full year, it was against company policy to hold positions for people, she couldn't tell them an exact schedule of when she could work, etc. Lots of reasons to let her go. BUT, MY GOD, THE WOMAN HAS CANCER. Where is the heart of this company who promotes their Christian values. It's beyond my understanding. I don't get it.

The first reaction she gets from people is "are you going to fight it?!" People are outraged over this, as am I. The reality of it is, she's really weak right now and needs her strength to build herself up physically and mentally. She took quite a blow. Unemployment screws with your head - you doubt your value, your self-esteem takes a dive and you are humiliated because you have to "live off the system". On top of the self-esteem issues she's going through with this, she has MOUNTAINS of paperwork to fill out. MOUNTAINS. And, we can't forget about the chemo treatments that caused her to lose all her hair and keep her in a cycle of nausea, headaches, pain and fatigue.

This is my first experience watching a loved one go through this. Cancer is such an ugly, ugly disease. Chemotherapy is equally as devastating.

The silver lining in all of this pain and hassle for Mary Jo is that she is blossoming spiritually and has grown as a person. She's humbled by the support of friends and family and talks regularly about being able to "pay it forward" when she feels better. She attends church regularly and wants to become more involved. She is volunteering with Cancer Services, too. I see her determination grow stronger weekly and she's no push over.

With your encouragement, love and support, she'll soar to new heights.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the benefit. It's only 2 weeks away. Please plan to show your support at Columbia Street West on May 2 from 4-8pm. Dinner starts at 5pm and entertainment starts at 6:30. We've collected many great silent auction items and raffle items. There's something for everyone! Purchase tickets at the door. If you can't make it to the event, please consider sending a donation to Mary Jo at 6833 Point Inverness Way, Fort Wayne, IN 46804. Every little bit helps.

If you are interested in contributing to her blog, email me at sandrafouty@yahoo.com.

Sandra

One of the Many Faces of Cancer

Hi Everyone

First, I hope the picture doesn't disturb you - or - if it does - I hope you recognize the reality of this disease. Second, I need to apologize, once again, for not keeping up with my blog. Believe me I've heard it from a lot of people. One person told me they were going to get my password and make things up so I would be "shamed" into an update. So - here it is. This is for you Mary and

Sue :0).

I've been asked by several people to show the difficult side of cancer. I have great faith but some days my faith is truly tested. As you can see by the picture, I wasn't feeling well that day. That was the day after my head was shaved due to my hair really falling out.

The day my hair fell out was the first day I was really angry about having cancer. I woke up that morning and my pillow was covered with hair. I would rub my head and my hand would be covered with hair. I took a shower and the shower floor was covered with hair

I cried most of the day. I cleaned my whole apartment in anger. I really thought I was prepared for my hair loss. Several weeks before this my daughter shaved my head. I don't know what I was thinking but I thought I wouldn't even notice when all of my hair really fell out. To say I was angry is really an understatement.

My head was on fire. I couldn't wait to shave what little was left on my head. Thanks to Theresa for stepping up to the plate and offering to shave my head. I still don't like being bald - but I'm learning to accept it. Humor seems to get me through most of the time.

Cancer is lonely - especially when you live alone. I haven't been good at letting people in but I need you. I have a lot more to add - but not tonight. I need some rest. God bless you and know that you're loved :0)

It's Been Too Looooong.......... and now my hair is gone!!

I haven't done a very good job keeping up with my blog the last few weeks. I'm doing this for those of you who check my blog every day :0). Thank you for caring enough to check my progress. I won't go day by day - because the dates really don't matter and my memory is faltering :0). It's been an interesting journey the last few weeks.

I started chemo on Friday, Feb. 20th. Amanda and I fell apart when they first "hooked me up" -because it was all very "real" - but it wasn't long before we were making jokes. My daughter and her boyfriend sat with me through the entire four hour procedure. They administered three different drugs during my treatment. Everything went very well. We went out to dinner after chemo- I felt "strange" but pretty good considering all of the poison that was pumped in my system.

Approximately 2 hours after we returned home everything changed. My body turned on me. It was like a combination of a horrible flu and a terrible hangover -it's hard to describe. My daughter, her boyfriend, Amanda's friend Robin, Becki, and Sandra were all there to take care of me throughout the evening. It was very difficult for me to let anyone see me that way -especially my child. I tried to make jokes but it just wasn't funny. This was the real deal - that night made me realize what everyone meant by their "battle"with cancer. It's definitely a battle but one I know I can win - especially with all of the people who've shown me their love and concern.

On Monday, Feb. 23rd I had to go back to the oncologist for a shot to help elevate my white blood cell count. That shot made my bones ache - but I knew it would eventually help me feel better. I met with the plastic surgeon that day. He released me to go back to work and said everything looked really good. I won't see him again until I finish chemo and have the last of my reconstruction surgery. Once again I can't say enough about both of my surgeons - Dr. Grabowski (my regular surgeon) and Dr. Morrison (my plastic surgeon). God blessed me with the best!!

I went back to work at The Fort on Wed., Feb. 25th. I still didn't feel 100% physically - but being among my coworkers helped me immensely mentally. It was nice just be in the building and among some of the funniest people I've ever known. They bring me joy!

As you can see from the pictures above, my head is now shaved. Amanda came from college on Wednesday night to shave my head. I had a couple of bald spots and didn't relish the idea of "slowly" losing my hair. So, she drove 2 hours -we went to dinner, she shaved my head, and then she drove back that night because she had an early lab in the morning. I didn't have to ask - she wanted to be the one to shave my head. At first it was emotional for me - but we tried to have fun with it. What do you think of the Mary Johawk? I promised Amanda I would do that for her. :0)

I decided to try to have a little fun this weekend since I was feeling pretty good. I met my dear friends for happy hour at Columbia Street - Sandra, Karen, Mike, Greg. Then I went to the Komets game with MJ. I ran into some other friends at the game and had an enjoyable night.

My dad and stepmom came to town from St. Louis on Saturday (see pictures above). My dad, stepmom, my friend Art, and I went to Bourbon Street Hideaway for dinner. We had a wonderful time- great atmosphere, great company and great food. After that we went to Snickerz Comedy Club and laughed. Laughing is great for the soul! I was with some of the people I love the most so my heart was full!!

I cooked a big breakfast this morning for my parents, Art, and his son Andrew (we missed you Ashton). That is when I'm really in my element. I love to cook and especially a big breakfast on the weekend. I'm so glad I was feeling good enough to do that before my dad and stepmom had to go back to St. Louis. It was wonderful for the soul to visit, cook, and eat.

I have a lot on my mind right now and can't sleep. It's the start of a new week and I'll have chemo again this Friday - every other week for the first 8 weeks and then every week for 12 weeks. This will be my second treatment. It'll be one more out of the way - but I do have some anxiety about it. I'm better prepared -but I don't like the "out of control" feeling that comes with having treatment.

I also have a friend that's going through a difficult time and want to do everything I can to help. It helps to keep my mind off me. Everything is in God's hands - but sometimes it's hard not to meddle - lol.

Well - time to try to get some sleep. As always, thank you for your love and know you're loved in return by me. God is soooo good - cancer - or any temporary obstacle - doesn't have a chance in the light of His goodness!!

oooxxx mj

Feb. 20th 2009 was unexplainable (Amanda again)

My mom hasn't posted anything about her chemo yet and even if/when she does it will be from a completely different perspective...

My mom and I have joked around a lot about the cancer and everything because well you need to laugh sometimes, but this wasn't a joke. We were sitting there and they had hooked up everything and were getting ready to put the chemo on the tube thingy and my mom looked at me and said, "this is way more real isn't it?" We both started to cry. It's true. I thought the surgery made it real, but the chemo made it more real than I ever could have imagined. This wasn't a joke. But after that moment we calmed down and sat there for 3 hours. My boyfriend (that's weird to say) Robb came with me from Purdue to support me and my mom and he sat with us also, which is really a big thing because if any of you met my ex you would know that he would NEVER do that. Anyway, we sat there and afterwards we went out to dinner and things were fine until that night when we got home.

Robin came over and we were all just hanging out having a good time and then my mom started to get really sick. Okay so there is no chemo 101 at college to help deal with this so I had no idea what to do. That night was possibly the worst night I have ever experienced. She was in so much pain from the chemo and there was nothing that I could do. Do you know what it feels like to be completely helpless? I lost it. I couldn't take it. I went out in the living room and looked at robin and said, "I don't know what to do" and I just broke down. Robin understood because my mom has been more of a mom than her own mom so it was just as hard on her. I just hugged her and cried...it's all I could do. I was in so much pain for my mom and pain for myself. I still am. It just isn't fair at all! I love my mom and she doesn't deserve this, well no one really does, but with our streak of crap we really don't need this. This is just so hard to deal with. I'm pushing through. I'm working and going to school and trying to live a "normal" life, but it is really hard to do not going to lie.

I do wanna say that on that night had Robin and Robb not been there is would have been way worse. I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart. I have never had such good friends. I am so lucky to have them that's for sure. I wouldn't trade them for the world...

Right now is definitely a trying time in my life. I never thought I would have to deal with something of this magnitude. I thought I would just be worried about what party I was going to next or how am I going to make a B in this class. Not how's my mom feeling today? Has anyone come to visit her? Is she okay? And I know people tell me not to worry, but I can't help it...she is all I have...

This is the end of this post. Again please just pray for my mom. She needs all the prayers she can get. Thank you, all of you who have been there for her!

Saturday Feb. 7th - IPFW "Pink Out"

I had a very long - but wonderful day today. My day started with my friend MJ (Mary Jane) picking me up and taking me to the IPFW (a local college)"Pink Out" girl's basketball game. The game is a celebration of breast cancer survivors and to raise funds for breast cancer awareness.

We met my friend Sandra at the game. There was a reception before the game for all breast cancer survivors. Even though I'm still "in the process" of surviving - I'm a survivor thus far :0) It was an honor to be amongst so many courageous women -some had been through cancer more than once - I can't imagine. They also recognized all breast cancer survivors at halftime of the basketball game. I participated but it all felt very surreal to me. It's still hard for me to believe I have breast cancer. I'm glad I went to the event. The other women were very inspiring to me.

I didn't want to go home -since I hadn't been out of the house for so long - so we went shopping after the game. It was so nice to feel halfway "normal" for a day. After we went shopping I went home and took a nap. I had been invited to go out that evening -but knew I wouldn't make it without a nap.

That night I went to a concert with my friends Sandra, Karen, Troy, Mike and Brian. The concert was called "Down the Line". Several local bands performed cover songs of various classic artists- ie: Jimmy Hendrix, Bob Marley, The Band, Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye - to name some of them. The purpose of the concert was to raise money for the Embassy Theatre and to support local musicians. I had a fabulous time! I danced - and for those of you who know me - I love to dance!! My friend Ty Causey and his band covered Marvin Gaye. That made things even more special for me. Ty and his girlfriend Lori both have a special place in my heart. It was great to see them and put my arms around them. Actually, I had the opportunity to see a lot of friends I haven't seen for a while. Once again, God is good!!

This is Amanda...Feb 9th, 2009

Alright...so I'm definitely not going to sound all formal and what not like my mom and aunt cuz umm I talk funny? But I think it's time for me to blog to let everyone know the low down on how I'm feeling about the whole situation with my mom...

IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For real it really does. I don't wanna deal with it...especially at 21. I really don't think you're ever ready to deal with a parent having cancer, but I wasn't ready to deal with it right now. It all came as a complete shock. I thought things would finally get better in my mom and I's lives, but bam this came outta nowhere right before my 21st b-day. On my birthday I took care of my mom. I'm not complaining about it cuz i wanted to be there for my mom, but I'm just saying think about when you were 21 what were you doing? I'm guessing probably not thinking about your parent having cancer or taking care of them after surgery. It also hasn't really set in yet. I mean when her surgery happened it sort of did. That was such a hard day for me. I wanted to be there and hold her hand. The hardest part was letting them take her back into surgery and just not knowing what they were going to find. But I'm really happy that they didn't find any more and that things went better.

The hardest thing right now for me to do is focus on anything really. I have realized the only thing that really helps me out is to draw. I drew for 6 hours yesterday. And honestly writting all this is helping too. I just want my mom to be ok. I feel like I'm trapped in my own head. And I know there are people who want to help me and relate and what not, but it's hard for me...no offense, but I want someone my age to talk to, but I know this is heavy stuff that no one my age wants to talk about and most can't relate. It's also hard for me to reach out. I'm really a private person which is completly opposite from my mom. Which is fine, she really needs people right now. But she also needs family and I'm the closest so it's hard for me to be here at Purdue when I want to be there for her. And people say to me that I need to take care of me, but I have always taken care of my mom. I'm the only child she has...

Anyone who knows me or has met my mom and I know that I love her so much. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and I have been through a lot. And I'm continuing to deal with the cancer with my mom. There is one person who is there for me and is my sister and that's Robin. She is my best friend and has always been there for me. She is right there dealing with this with me cuz she loves my mom too. Just right now and for the past couple months I have felt like I have been in a dream that I just can't wake up from. It's not really a dream, but more of a nightmare. Everything happens for a reason though. Just gotta get through this hurdle and just keep livin. Like MJ said to me...this too shall pass.

Well I guess that's all for today. Thanks to all of you that have been there for my mom. She really needs it and really enjoys all of your company. Honestly the best thing I could ever ask for is for everyone to be there for my mom and to visit her or call or send a card. Or even just pray...

It's a New Week!! Mon.- Fri. - Feb. 2nd - Feb. 6th

Okay, okay, I'll update my blog :0). I've had several emails about wanting updates. I thought I might bore people - but I guess there are those "special people" who check every day. So - I will try to do better to get things updated.

I had a an appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Morrison, on Monday , Feb. 2nd. I'm so blessed to have him for my plastic surgeon. As I've said before, not only is he talented but he's quite kind. He was very pleased with my progress. There's one spot on my right breast that hasn't developed the way he anticipated - but that can be taken care of with the final reconstruction after chemotherapy. He'll do liposuction from another part of my body - hopefully my "derriere"- and fill in the area of my breast - lol. My friend Denise took took me to my appointment and then we went out to lunch. That was my excitement for the day.

On Tuesday, Feb. 3rd I had an appointment with my oncologist. My friend Denise also took me to that appointment. I'm blessed to have her as my friend. The doctor went over the test results of my genetic testing. The results came back negative. That is very good news for my daughter and my sisters. I felt relieved to know I didn't carry the genetic mutation that would be passed on to my family.

Even though that was good news, it was hard to listen to the Dr. tell me again how they don't know what caused my cancer. The fact I have triple negative breast cancer means, as I've said before, they have to treat my cancer very aggressively - as if it is in my lymph nodes. There are no guarantees this course of treatment will be successful - but I'm believing for COMPLETE SUCCESS - GOD IS GOOD!! I will start chemotherapy on Feb. 20th - eight weeks of treatment every other week and then 12 weeks of treatment every week - a total of 20 weeks and 16 treatments. Oh well - that's not a big hill for a climber :0) " The strongest trees in the forest withstand the strongest winds". God is good! I think I'll look pretty sexy bald :0)

I'm tired - so I'll finish blogging the rest of the week tomorrow. As always, thank you for loving me! I cannot begin to express my love for you.

Good night and God bless.

Wednesday, Feb. 4th - A quiet day. My friend Trish came over to visit for the afternoon. I slept during most of her visit. I think I'm able to relax more when I have someone in the house with me. Thanks Trish for being there for me - your presence gave me comfort!

Thursday Feb. 5th - Another quiet day. Aside from the usual post surgery pain I've been feeling pretty good. My friend Art came over for a visit - which brightened my day.

Friday Feb. 6th - Today was a good day. My friend Karen came over and brought lunch for us from Casa's - one of my favorite places to eat. My friend Mary also joined us for lunch. It was a great visit. Friday night my friends Dave and Denise stopped by to visit. We ordered pizza, drank a few beers, and had another great visit. Once again, I'm blessed!!

Home Day 6 and 7 - God is Good!!!

Hello,

Saturday, January 31st - a bittersweet day because I knew it was my last full day with my sister. She's anticipated my every need and has been great company. I'm so grateful she's been here this last week and has helped to get me to this point in my recovery.

My sister and I had a great day together. She gave me a pedicure - it was wonderful. We had time to visit and plan for the next week.

My friends Dave and Denise -along with Denise's daughters - Haylee and Kendra -stopped by to visit. It was great to see them. They've been my friends through a lot over the last couple of years.

My nephew Gage and brother-in-law Brian arrived in town around 3:30. What a pleasure it was to see them. We went to dinner at Cebolla's with my friend Art Bruce and his son Ashton Saturday evening (we missed Art's son Andrew). It was so nice to feel "human" enough to go out to dinner. It was painful to sit but worth it! It was a great evening. My friend Art brought a toy Bobcat bulldozer for my nephew - that was a big hit! I felt blessed to be able to be out of the house and spending time with those I love.

Sunday, February 1st - My sister went back to Illinois today. As I said before, I'm really going to miss her. It is through her help, the prayers of all who love me, and a very gracious God that I'm doing so well today.

I started my day by my nephew waking me up and wanting to play with his bulldozer - or skid loader - as he calls it. How much fun is that? I absolutely love being an aunt.

It was also hard to say goodbye to my nephew and brother-in-law. They both bring me great joy. My brother-in-law always says the simplest things that make me laugh or smile. My nephew Gage was quite fascinated by my stomach incision. I tried to explain, as well as you can to a 4 year old. I love that precious little boy.

My sister and her family left around 10:30 am. That is about the time my friend Sandra picked me up and took me to church. I can't begin to tell you how much it meant to be there. I love Pathway Community Church. I know that is definitely my home. I'm so blessed that God lead me to such a spirit filled congregation. That was one of the greatest highlights of my day. The music stayed with me all day. After church Sandra and I went to lunch. By the time we got home I have to admit I was exhausted. I may have overdid it - just a little.

I slept most of the afternoon. Around 5:00 my friend Christine and her daughter Alise came over and brought dinner for me. They brought homemade lasagna - it was delicious! We talked and watched the Superbowl game. They went home at halftime - it was past Christine's bedtime - lol. We had a great time. They are great friends. Once again, I'm blessed!!

It's been kind of a struggle tonight. I miss my sister and have some fear of being alone. I absolutely know I'm going to be ok - but sometimes it's a little difficult for me until I realize where I always get my strength - and that is from God.

I have a lot on my mind and some decisions to make about my personal relationships. Cancer has a way of helping you take a closer look at what is important in life. I've talked to my daughter and a friend. I'll pray and go to sleep with confidence knowing God will give me the strength to face tomorrow and make decisions based on what is best for me and those I love.

As I said at the beginning, God is good!!! I'll add more pictures to the blog tomorrow.

Peace :0)

Home Day 5 - Hello It's Me................

Hi Everyone

I'm finally able to update my blog myself. My sister has done a great job keeping it up since I've been "out of commission". For those of you who know my sister and I, you know my sister Francy is much more responsible than I am - so don't expect an every day update as she has given. I have to admit I've always said I want to be just like her when I grow up - she's 12 years younger than me :0) - not possible. On a serious note, I can't begin to express how much it has meant to me to have her with me since I came home from the hospital. I feel no one could have taken better care of me. She'll be leaving on Sunday and I'll miss her so ..................

Every day I seem to get a little better. I was in more pain today when I woke up but I think that may have been due to trying to sleep in my own bed. I have a hospital bed in the living room and wanted to try my own bed for a night. I think I'm going to have to stay in the hospital bed for a while longer - lesson learned. I have cut back on my pain medication and am getting used to my "new" body. I kind of feel like the scarecrow from the "Wizard of Oz". I feel like I've been taken apart and put back together again. Remember the scene in Emerald City?

I'm more than blessed I had very talented and kind surgeons. I have very few incisions. God is good!!

My friend Karen and her son Mason came by today and introduced me to their new puppy. That was a bright spot in my day. I can't do anything right now - so it's always nice to have visitors. My friend Art brought Chinese food for dinner - I always enjoy my time with him.

It's so hard to express how much my friends and family have meant to me through all of this. I know I still have a long road ahead of me but know I can do it through faith and the love of the people around me. I get discouraged from time to time but NEVER enough to give up hope.

I know there's more I want to say - but I'm tired and it's time for my medication.

Thank you for loving me!!!

Home day 3 and 4 by Francy Thursday January 29th 2009

Well Mary Jo's recovery is going great. She is able to get up and move around really well. She still has quite a bit of pain, but has been able to cut back on her pain medication. Taking showers, eating normally (except her throat still causes her to choke some). She has gotten lots of visitors, call, some cards, plants, an edible arrangement and she appreciates and loves them all. She plans to update the blog herself, maybe even tonight. She is napping right now, but has been awake most of the day. It is hard for her to tell cuz she wants it all back to normal now, but she makes significant progress towards recovering from the surgery every day. She will see her doctors next week. Plastic surgeon on Monday for check up and to get her stiches out, Oncologist to discuss next steps for chemo on Tuesday and Surgeon for general check up on Thursday. Her chemotherapy should start in about 3 weeks (she had to wait 4 weeks after surgery). She will have 5 months of that.....then one more surgery to complete her reconstruction so keep up the prayers and postive thoughts. She needs them. She has come so far already, but still has alot to endure. More updates later....

Home Day 2 by Francy Tuesday January 27th 2009

Yesterday, Mary Jo got the most rest she had since her surgery. It was pretty quiet, no visitors after we got home and settled around 3:00 yesterday. She has an episode of increase pain and headache last night and this morning has been a little rough. She is up in the recliner and eating some breakfast. She still has some trouble swallowing from the tube she had in her throat during surgery. Today she gets to take a shower, just needs to feel a little better before tackling that. Since her surgery alot of people have asked, "so they got all of the cancer out, so why do you have to have chemotherapy"? Unfortunately lumpectomy (the orginal surguries she had) nor mastectomy cancel out needing chemo. As the oncologist explained to us, those cancer cells could have already traveled elsewhere in her body, so she must have the chemo to ensure not only survival from this cancer, but to decrease her chances of reoccurance. I know people just are curious, but this journey is difficult enough without having people question the treatment plan the doctors have given you. Please continue your support, not only does Mary Jo face weeks of recovery for this extensive surgery, she too get to endure 5 months of chemo, with hair loss and all the fun that comes with that. This afternoon has been good, up for a shower, Mary Jo feels so much better after that. Denise and Kris stopped by and Kris brought her pasta for lunch with is her favorite. She ate a great lunch and is feeling really good right now. More updates later....

Post Surgery Day 6 (Home Today) by Francy Monday January 26th 2009

Mary Jo was released from the hopital and got home around 3:00. She is settled and resting now. She had a busy day getting ready for home. She is doing well, still has quite a bit of pain. Eating better. She may even be up to starting her own blog soon. Not much else to update on right now.

Post Surgery Day 5 by Francy DeVries Sunday January 25th 2009

Talked to Mary Jo this morning and she had lots of visitors yesterday. She is mostly off the morphine pump, taking pain medications by mouth. The plastic surgeon assistant was in this morning and he said she would go home tommorrow. Brian and I got to Fort Wayne at around 7:15pm. Went to the hospital to visit Mary Jo. She was not feeling well. She has a bad headache and is sick to her stomach, did not eat dinner. She got some medicine for the "nausea" and some pain meds. At around 9:00 she feels much better, but sleepy. Getting up is tough....quite uncomfortable. We left her for the night around 9:30. We will be back to take her home in the morning. Hope to catch the doctor. More updates once we get settled at home.

Post Surgery Day 4 by Francy DeVries Saturday January 24th 2009

The plastic surgeons assistant was in today. The next steps is to wean Mary Jo off the morphine pump and onto pain mediations she can take by mouth. She also will have her catheter removed and will be expected to go back and forth to the bathroom as needed. Tenatively Mary Jo will be going home Monday. I will be on my way to Fort Wayne tomorrow, so if I am little behind on the blog, that is due to being in route. Did not talk to Mary Jo much today. She had lots of visitors and lots to do. More updates tomorrow.

Post Surgery Day 3 by Francy DeVries Friday January 23rd 2009

Talked to Mary Jo around 9:15 this morning. Her Pathology on her breasts came back "no more cancer"....Yippee!!!!!!!!! She wants to be sure that I let everyone know that she feels this it is due to everyones prayers, that this has happened (the cancer did not spread any further). Her voice is a little stronger today. The plan is for her to move out of the ICU to a regular room tonight. Dr Morrison (Plastic surgeon) said she is recovering great, nothing could be better. Her main issue now is pain control. That have to get her to the point that pain pills will keep her pain under control. Her IV did infiltrate (go bad) so they had to start a new one, which Mary Jo hates....well everyone hates being stuck, but I think right now Mary Jo hates it more than the average person. Latest update around 4:00 is that Mary Jo is getting ready to go back to bed after being up in the chair for almost 4 hours. She is tired. Mary Jo IV situation went from bad to worse. Her IV went bad a total of three times. The good news is they were able to start using the new port they placed during surgery (this port will be used for chemo too). She moved from the ICU to the "general" floor. She is not in room 607. A nice big private room. Next update tomorrow.

Post Surgery Day 2 by Francy DeVries Thursday January 22nd 2009

Mary Jo had a rough night last night. The staff was unfortunately not as attentive. She was left with an empty morphine pump for 20 minutes. If ya haven't seen her already, just so you know she has a "weak" voice due to the tube they put in your through when she was "put under" for surgery. Time will bring her voice back. This morning she has a pretty bad headache, so they are getting her something for that (around 9:00). Dr Morrison (plastic surgeon) was in and said that she is doing good. She has good blood flow to her "new" skin, which is exactly what they want. He has asked the nursing staff to wash her hair, cuz it itches badly. She will remain in the ICU until Friday evening or Saturday morning. She is in room 1105. Talked to Mary Jo around 2:00 and she going to be getting ready to get up, she is really tired and still has a headache. For those that plan to visit her please do not wear perfume or perfume lotions, it is really bothering her. Mary Jo is pretty tired today, nurses are limiting visitors and letting her sleep. At 5:30 Mom and Dad going to see if she is awake. Talked to Mary Jo later in the evening. She was able to get up today and get her hair washed. She also got some medication for the upset stomach and that not only made her stomach feel better, but her headache too. More updates tomorrow.

Post Surgery Day One by Francy DeVries - Wednesday January 21st 2009

Today I spoke to Mary Jo by phone around 7:30am. She was anxious waking up in the ICU alone. Through the night they have monitored her skin "flaps" (that is what they call the skin they used for her reconstruction). They also monitored her blood count and did drop some so she had to get a blood transfusion this morning. The blood transfusion will ensure the best best blood flow to her new skin. She is quite a bit of pain, but has a morphine pump. Today the plan is to get her up for a little bit and allow her to eat something. She has not been sick to her stomach and is in good spirits, but as would be expected is overwhelmed by it all. Just remember she loves visitors. Her surgeon was in and reconfirmed everything went well with the mastecomy and that the results of the breast pathology will be back by Friday (they send them off for more testing to check everything even the left breast which did not appear to be cancerous). At 9pm Mom called and said that the plastic surgeon was in the afternoon/evening and he said everything looks great. He wants her monitored closely (the reconstructed skin) so she might be the ICU until Friday or Saturday. She did get up in the chair today for almost 2 hours. I here she had quite a few friends in today, sorry since I am not there I don't want to misquote on who, but thanks, I know she really appreciates it. More updates tommorrow.

Surgery Day by Francy DeVries- Tuesday January 20th 2009

Today Mary Jo had to be at the hospital around 7am for her surgery. I spoke to her around 8:15 and they were prepping her for surgery. At 9:00am she was taken back for surgery. Amanda, Mom and Dad at her side. Surgery started at 9:14. At around 11:15 the surgeon came out to provide an update. The mastectomy part of the procedure is done with no complications. The 2 plastic surgeons have now started with an expected 6 more hours of reconstructive surgery. At 12:00 the nurse came out and said that things were going fine with the plastic surgery (reconstruction). At 1:30 the nurse reported that both plastic surgeons are working on the left side and all is going well. At 3:00 the left sided surgery is complete and the right side is started, the tummy surgery will be to follow. At 4:30pm the update was just that there was about one hour to go. 5:30 Plastic surgeon is on his way out to talk to Amanda, Mom and Dad. 5:45 Plastic surgeon reports surgery is done and Mary Jo is on her way to the intensive care unit (standard procedure). He reports her surgery went great with no complications, but she needs to be in the ICU to be monitored closely (as expected). If her recovery goes well she will go home in around 5 days (sometimes more like 7 - 10 days). Mom, Dad and Amanda can see Mary Jo around 6:30. 7:00pm Mom, Dad and Amanda were able to see Mary Jo. She is awake and coherent, she is on a morphine pump for pain. She is being funny as usual asking "am I completely flat", she wants to go to "Victoria Secret to get new bras" and she said "If I say something stupid, tell me to shut up". 9:00pm Mom and Dad at Mary Jo's house for the night. Mary Jo needs her rest, I will give my next update tomorrow.

Monday Jan.12th - Monday Jan.19th - Preop Celebration

It's been a week since I've updated this and have had several inquiries. So - I'll bring everyone up to date. Aside from a couple of doctor's appointments, I worked all week. That made me feel happy and productive.

On Tuesday, Jan. 13th I went to Parkview for all of my pre-admission testing and blood work. Oh how I love to have blood drawn - not - I'm a "hard stick" - so it's never fun. On Friday, Jan. 16th I had to have blood drawn for genetic testing. I don't know who came up with the idea of everyone sitting in the same room to have their blood drawn without a curtain or anything - but I think that's torturous. I, for one, don't like to see other people in pain. That was a tough morning. It's hard for me to think of the possibility of testing positive for the genetic mutation. That will increase my daughter and sister's chances of having breast and/or ovarian cancer. I don't know how to explain it except for it makes my heart heavy.

The rest of the day Friday was great! I had the opportunity to visit my favorite ladies at "Crazy Sisters Coffee" to end my day. Then, Friday night we had a Pre-op Celebration at Columbia Street West. I was blessed at the number of of people that were there to surround me with love. There were some people who couldn't make it but I knew they were there in spirit. My sister and her husband surprised me by driving 6 hours from Illinois!!! As soon as I figure out how to add a video to this blog you'll be able to see all of the pictures. In the meantime I'll add a couple of pictures.

I didn't do a whole lot on Saturday. My daughter has been staying with me since Thursday - which has been a great joy to me. I spent a very peaceful Saturday evening with a good friend - it was exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. I went to church on Sunday - which always gives me great peace -and lunch with good friends. That brings me to today, Monday Jan. 19th.

Today is the day before my surgery. To say I have anxiety is an understatement. I've prayed all day and have asked God for peace and strength. I'm most concerned about the people who love me - my daughter, my family, my friends. I want them to feel comforted - especially my daughter. I know she feels great deal of responsibility because she's my only child. I want that feeling lifted from her. Please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts.

I went to the plastic surgeon today. He had to make the markings on me for where my general surgeon will make the incisions. That was pretty daunting - everything is very real now. Amanda (my daughter) went with me -she's such a trooper. They were very good about letting us both know what to expect.

It's 4 am and I haven't gone to sleep. Please pray for my precious daughter that she'll feel the love and comfort I feel from God and those around us. She's so brave - but she absolutely needs some extra, tender loving care.

Good night - and please visit me. One of my fears, no matter how unrealistic, is that I'll be forgotten once I'm in the hospital. I know - I'm a goofball. Hope to see you soon!

God is good! Be at peace - and remember - "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away". Thank you for showing me the kind of love that takes my breath away. May you feel the same love coming from me to you.

Sweet dreams!

Tour of Cancer Services of Northeast Indiana

I haven't updated this for a few days - so I'm going to cover the last 4 days.

On Thurs., January 8th I toured Cancer Services of Northeast Indiana. What a wonderful place for someone like me. They offer a lot of services for free that I would have to pay for otherwise. I can get anything from bandages and tape to wigs to wheelchairs etc. They're completely not for profit and I feel blessed to have been told about this resource. What a wonderful altruistic service they offer - one that is definitely needed by me. Touring the facility made the reality set in that I really do have cancer. I have to admit it was a difficult day for me - but at the same time it was a relief to know they can help me. It seems every day is another humbling experience for me.

I had a great day at work on Friday, January 9th. I signed a contract with a new client - so I felt like an asset to my employer. That's important to me. They've been good to me and I want to make every moment I can work count. After work I went out with friends who love me. That always lifts my spirits.

On Saturday, January 10th friends came over to help me take down my Christmas decorations. What a great help! Then that night my friend Sandra and I met to go over some details for the benefit she's planning for me. I honestly didn't know I had so many friends. I can't say enough how humbling it's to allow people to love me through this. That isn't easy for me.

Today, Sunday, January 11th I started my day by going to church. I love Pathway Community Church. The topic this month is "What would you do if you had 30 days to live?" That's a pretty heavy topic - but at the same time enlightening. The topic for the sermon was "Love Deeply". I think we all forget - from time to time - how very important it is to love expecting nothing in return - to love with our whole heart as God loves us. My favorite saying is - "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." After church I went to lunch with my friend MJ who I know - without a doubt - loves me - good and bad.

So, I'm going to leave you with the assignment my pastor gave us today - Do an act of love this week for someone you love or for someone who would never expect it from you. I'll add this - do it more than once :0) I can't think of a better way to spend your week.

Blessings to you!

I love you!

Mary Jo

Thank God - No Doctor's Appointments Today

Today was a very eventful day in the realm of being grateful for every moment. I'm blessed. I went to work - yippee. I look forward to every full day I can work. I met with a client - "Crazy Sisters Coffee" and had a great time talking with them. There are people who bring positive energy by being in their presence - these women definitely do that for me. Bless them!

I went to dinner with a friend and it was a lovely evening. Great conversation and enjoyable company. What a great way to end my day!!

As I reflect on my day I feel I need to mention my church family. It is difficult for me to express how I feel because I've only been involved in this church for a short time. It's humbling to know people are willing to reach out to me when they know so little about me. God's love for us is beyond words!

A little history - just enough - hopefully - not to bore you. I started attending Pathway Community Church two weeks before I found my first lump. I knew I needed something more in my life. Ever since I reached out to the church, they've been right beside me. Pastor Ron, Pastor Bieberstein, and other members of the church have made me feel like I'll never have to be alone again. I couldn't ask for a more supportive church family. God is soooooo very good!!! I will never underestimate His healing power. I'm so blessed to have found such a wonderful church. I'm getting more involved every day.

That's all for tonight! Sweet dreams to all.

God bless, Mary Jo

Final Meeting with the Plastic Surgeon

I met with the Plastic Surgeon yesterday - Dr. Morrison - what a kind man. We finalized all of the paperwork for my surgery on the 20th. It all seems so surreal to me. Even though I have many friends surrounding me, sometimes I feel very alone -especially in the middle of the night. I never dreamed I would have to go through something like this without a spouse. Those of you who know me, know how much it meant to me to be married.

Oh well......that being said, I'm strong and have a wonderful support group of friends behind me. I'm not the best at reaching out - so thank you so much for reaching out to me. My family has also been a great support - especially my precious daughter. She is definitely the number one reason I want to fight this with everything I have. I'm very proud to be her mom.

Have a peaceful day!

ox mj

The Beginning of My Journey - November 2008

First of all, I want to thank Felisa Davis-Stein for setting up this blog page for me. I would also like to give a big thanks to my friend Sandra Fouty for sending email updates to my friends. She's been right by my side every step of the way. Of course there are other friends - too many to list - who've been very supportive. Please know your love and support means everything to me. My friends and family are the bright spot of my life.

From now on, I hope this blog will help keep everyone informed.

The beginning of my journey with breast cancer started on Saturday, November 8, 2008 when I discovered a lump in my right breast. I went to my general doctor on Monday, November 10th. On Tuesday, November 18th I had a mammogram, ultrasound, and five biopsies at the Breast Diagnostic Center. On Thursday, November 20th I was diagnosed with DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma in Situ - noninvasive breast cancer). On Monday, November 24th I had lumpectomy surgery. On Tuesday, December 2nd I found out the margins weren't clear (cancer cells were still present ) from the surgery. They also found out, from the pathology report from the lumpectomy, the mass tested positive for invasive breast cancer. A second surgery would be necessary to clear the margins.

On Tuesday, December 9th a second surgery - re excision - was performed. I met with the oncologist on Thursday, December 11th and found out I'll have to have 20 weeks of chemo - 16 treatments. I have triple negative breast cancer (if you are interested in knowing what that means you can google it - don't want to bore you with the details). Even though my cancer hasn't spread to the lymph nodes, they're treating me very aggressively like it has - due to the triple negative factor, spreading of the cancer in the same breast and family history.

On Tuesday, December 16th I met with the surgeon and another lump in the same breast was discovered. On Tuesday, December 23rd I had an ultrasound and 4 biopsies on the second lump. Friday, December 26th I found out the biopsy was positive and the surgeon recommended a double mastectomy. After much research and discussion with family and friends - I concurred.

I met with the surgeon, oncologist and plastic surgeon on Tuesday, December 30th to discuss the plan for the next several weeks/months. It was very surreal going over the surgery options with the plastic surgeon. The thought of having my breasts removed is overwhelming - but getting new ones doesn't sound too bad at my age. :0)

I'm meeting with the plastic surgeon today Monday, January 5th to have my history and physical and go over everything prior to surgery. I will have a double mastectomy Tuesday, January 20th at Parkview Main Hospital. I will be in the hospital for a minimum of five days. Visitors are welcome. It helps my spirits to have the people I love around me!

Well, if you've read this far, that's all for now. I'm keeping a positive attitude and know, without a doubt, God is good!! As always, thank you for your love. I feel it daily. Don't hesitate to keep in touch with me. I welcome phone calls, emails, blog comments, etc. I, or someone else, will continue to keep this blog updated.

God Bless!

Love, Mary Jo