My mom and I have joked around a lot about the cancer and everything because well you need to laugh sometimes, but this wasn't a joke. We were sitting there and they had hooked up everything and were getting ready to put the chemo on the tube thingy and my mom looked at me and said, "this is way more real isn't it?" We both started to cry. It's true. I thought the surgery made it real, but the chemo made it more real than I ever could have imagined. This wasn't a joke. But after that moment we calmed down and sat there for 3 hours. My boyfriend (that's weird to say) Robb came with me from Purdue to support me and my mom and he sat with us also, which is really a big thing because if any of you met my ex you would know that he would NEVER do that. Anyway, we sat there and afterwards we went out to dinner and things were fine until that night when we got home.
Robin came over and we were all just hanging out having a good time and then my mom started to get really sick. Okay so there is no chemo 101 at college to help deal with this so I had no idea what to do. That night was possibly the worst night I have ever experienced. She was in so much pain from the chemo and there was nothing that I could do. Do you know what it feels like to be completely helpless? I lost it. I couldn't take it. I went out in the living room and looked at robin and said, "I don't know what to do" and I just broke down. Robin understood because my mom has been more of a mom than her own mom so it was just as hard on her. I just hugged her and cried...it's all I could do. I was in so much pain for my mom and pain for myself. I still am. It just isn't fair at all! I love my mom and she doesn't deserve this, well no one really does, but with our streak of crap we really don't need this. This is just so hard to deal with. I'm pushing through. I'm working and going to school and trying to live a "normal" life, but it is really hard to do not going to lie.
I do wanna say that on that night had Robin and Robb not been there is would have been way worse. I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart. I have never had such good friends. I am so lucky to have them that's for sure. I wouldn't trade them for the world...
Right now is definitely a trying time in my life. I never thought I would have to deal with something of this magnitude. I thought I would just be worried about what party I was going to next or how am I going to make a B in this class. Not how's my mom feeling today? Has anyone come to visit her? Is she okay? And I know people tell me not to worry, but I can't help it...she is all I have...
This is the end of this post. Again please just pray for my mom. She needs all the prayers she can get. Thank you, all of you who have been there for her!
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